We Watched A Falling Star

 
 I was so tender-hearted 

when I loved you,

years ago in a Northern hamlet

by a glacial lake.
My hopes for love 

were still intact then

noble and sacred edifices

constructed from an ancient narrative;

grand yet vulnerable 

like the Buddhist statues at Bamiyan

before they were destroyed.
We watched 

that star fall together,

one night when we sat

in thoughtful companionship by the lake edge.

Deer crept stealthily through the pines behind us

and we watched it

swirl across the sky 

like 4th of July fireworks,

then plummet.
Now my heart knows

what can happen

to majestic things.
Though I no longer hope

for you,

I still 

remember

everything.

Lost Love

20140922-103544.jpg
I wandered
lost,
in a fantasy
of love,
thick like a forest
with twisted branches and hidden paths,
with fairy dust that illuminated foliage in the morning, like dew.
And the howls of strange monsters that echoed through the land
as dusk fell
into night.
Dream
or nightmare,
this was
my own heart of darkness,
my own Amazon jungle,
with you
as my guide,
native to
this beautiful depravity.

I am lost still
in you.

Hoping to find
my way
to love.

Your Scent

20140916-193908.jpg
Sitting next to me,
sharing a mundane moment,
I just barely inhale
your scent,
a subtle whiff
of cherished memory
that tempts me.

Desire uncoils
like a serpent,
wraps itself around my heart
and clenches
tightly,
cutting off my circulation,
almost breaking
the poor wretched thing
into a million
hopeful little pieces.

How can I ever lift this curse?

The curse of wanting you
in every possible way.

The Hope

20140814-122010.jpg
shine bright like a diamond

My heart is a diamond,
the hardest known natural material,
enduring and sparkling
with enigmatic beauty.

Cut only by other diamonds,
my heart is cut
by the vicious action of yours
into the latticed crystal of my being,
the pressure and sharpness
of your dark love language
that shatters
me apart.

Even diamonds have a cleavage point.

Hope may appear magnificent
in its grand facade
but beneath that there is a blueness
that permeates its structure.
A red glow
that lingers in a dark room,
revealing its underlying curse.

I am tired
of the pressure
that formed me;
of being mined
for my resources;
of all the blood
that has been spilt.

I just want
to shine.

My Heart Bleeds Words

Inner Life of Pua Nani

photo-234

I know very well what I did wrong.  I should not have answered his texts and calls right away.  I should not have agreed to meet him whenever he wanted.  I should not have had sex with him so quickly and frequently.  I should not have made elaborate efforts to entice him to want me.  I should not have loved him.  I should not have wanted to be with him.  I should not have gotten upset when he rejected me.  I should not have let him see that he was affecting me emotionally.  I should not have wished for a life with him.

I should have walked away before I ever met him.  I should have honored the vision that I saw before my eyes, the knowing that he would simply use me and discard me, and cancelled our first encounter.  But the realities that I saw within my inner…

View original post 826 more words

Heartsickness

20140209-161104.jpg

I may have to

perform an operation

to remove you

from my heart.

 

Cut you out

with a scalpel,

surgically extract you.

 

I know I will bleed,

and feel a lot of pain.

The healing period my be long.

I may not ever be

the same as I was before.

 

But sometimes

heartsickness

calls for extreme measures.