in a fantasy
thick like a forest
with twisted branches and hidden paths,
with fairy dust that illuminated foliage in the morning, like dew.
And the howls of strange monsters that echoed through the land
as dusk fell
my own heart of darkness,
my own Amazon jungle,
as my guide,
this beautiful depravity.
I know very well what I did wrong. I should not have answered his texts and calls right away. I should not have agreed to meet him whenever he wanted. I should not have had sex with him so quickly and frequently. I should not have made elaborate efforts to entice him to want me. I should not have loved him. I should not have wanted to be with him. I should not have gotten upset when he rejected me. I should not have let him see that he was affecting me emotionally. I should not have wished for a life with him.
I should have walked away before I ever met him. I should have honored the vision that I saw before my eyes, the knowing that he would simply use me and discard me, and cancelled our first encounter. But the realities that I saw within my inner…